I was five when I stumbled upon The Rockford Files and stood face to tv glass with the very first love of my life, Mr. James Garner. Yes, my parents were a little freaked out by the age difference. But the truth is, I didn't want to kiss him, I just wanted to hang around with him. Drive around in his rad Pontiac Firebird, go fishing on the pier, maybe help crack a case wide open, that kind of thing.
He was just so casual about it all. Casual about getting locked up, a split lip, tailing perps. Cracking wise when he should have been scared. I just felt so much braver when he was in my living room.
So, of course, I began a campaign to get myself a role on his show. This lasted from age five to eight. I carefully cut out my school pictures, the little wallet sized ones, and enclosed them with handwritten notes that I addressed: Mr. James Garner, Hollywood, CA. Why on earth I didn't hear back remains an unsolved mystery.
Because I was unfamiliar with the term "audition", I assumed that if you made a polite request, they would welcome you onto the show. After a few months of Hollywood silence, I upped my game. I asked my mom to drive me to Ostrom's Drugstore where I carefully selected personalized stationery. My choice was a baby blue hued card that depicted a couple strolling down the beach, hand in hand. On the top of the card I had them emblazon, A Friendly Note From Paula. This, I knew, was my ticket in.
Not so, as it turned out. As the weeks turned to months, turned to years, the air slowly drained from my dream balloon. And, when I was eight, I caught a rerun of a Rockford Files episode titled, "Family Hour". It starred a young blonde girl. I think she'd been kidnapped.
I knew then that it was all over. She had taken my role. The first time I had ever seen a kid on that show and it wasn't me. She probably had way cooler stationery. (Full disclosure: The blonde kid was none other than the gravelly-voiced Kim Richards, current star of Bravo's Housewives franchise and former cocktail enthusiast.)
Of course, I'm continuing my campaign to work with Mr. Garner. Every time I step on a set, I ask the crew if they've worked with him, and a surprising number have. He's received only rave reviews, renowned as an all around fun guy and cool customer. I mean, come on!
Time of course is ticking and I really need to find a perfect vehicle for the two of us. Something where we can just hang around talking, maybe getting arrested in a super-casual style.
Until then, I send him my fondest wishes for a wonderful year and, as always, my unending love, in this friendly note from Paula.
