Happy Birthday Sugar Britches!

Happy Birthday to the coolest guy in the world who I do my very best to live up to.

(He's the hot stuff 4 year old on the left, ladies...that's right, it's a red cardigan.)

Trick!

Not many know the true legend behind Halloween so I'd like to share it with you. The holiday was founded about three years ago to celebrate my racist neighbor.

This hothead would stand there, scowling on her porch in her too tight Lee jeans, menthol Salem burning softly in the twilight, unhappy with every single thing she'd every known, and scaring the crap out of all the children on the block.

So, to fete this dynamite lady, we knock on some doors and chew fun-sized Dots for a few days.

Feel free to spread this fable far and wide because, as Steven Seagal so beautifully stated last week, knowledge is power.

(This year I'm going as a stay-at-home writer.  I wear it everyday, people.)

That about covers it. Trick or Treat, my sweet candy corns.

Lo-Cal Fightin'

I'm just gonna throw this out on front street - I watch the Real Housewives. Every city. What I'd like to do right now, in case your tivo lamed out on you and didn't get a chance to see it, is recap this gem. Here goes:

A blond lady threw a party and invited all the other blond ladies, plus one brunette, to come.  They played charades and drank a lot of booze. The house they were in was enormous. After a while some of the ladies started drunkenly accusing each other of being drunks. The ladies who weren't yelling sipped their hooch and watched with red bloodshot eyes.

Nobody ate a bite.

Boy, this thing is really heavy...

And the Emmy goes to...me!

For the riveting portrayal of a girl who is hard at work while secretly not working at all but watching several episodes of the Rockford Files.

Job well done! Brava!